The year of jubilee is a Hebrew tradition and follows the completion of seven times seven years. It is associated with the cancelling of debts, freedom, resetting and new starts. The year runs from the end of the 49th to the end of the 50th year. Not only does the number seven represent completeness and perfection, it is also my favourite number so I thought I would reflect on seven of the most important life lessons I have learned in the run-up to my 50th Birthday – so here goes!

1) Always treat others as you would like to be treated.

During the major growth years at The Carphone Warehouse, the rapidly expanding business was anchored by a set of cultural guidelines known as the “five fundamental rules”. One of these rules was

“always treat customers as we, ourselves would like to be treated.”

On reflection, I felt this was one of the most important rules which tangibly shaped the business.

Interestingly this rule mirrored the teaching of perhaps the biggest cultural influencer of all time, Jesus of Nazareth, two millennia ago. When asked by the top lawyers of his time what was the most important law, his answer (paraphrased for brevity) was to

a) love God with all of your being and b) love your neighbour as yourself.

He added

“all of the law and the prophets hang on these two laws”.

Regardless of one’s faith perspective, there is so much wisdom in this advice; that if everyone treated others, professionally and personally, in the same way that they would like to be treated, that somehow the world would be a better place. For me this is undisputedly the most important life lesson.

2) We need to keep ourselves accountable

In his famous letter to Mandel Creighton in 1887, Lord Acton, 13th Marquess of Groppoli, stated,

“I cannot accept your canon that we are to judge Pope and King unlike other men, with a favourable presumption that they did no wrong.”

He continues,

“Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men…”.

Recognising this inherent human weakness means we should always welcome scrutiny and systems of accountability where they support and challenge in equal measure. There are times in my life where I have had to confront abuses of power and equally there have times where I have been called out and I am grateful to those who cared enough to intervene. I am thankful to have a strong faith which, I believe, acts as a ‘true north’ but regardless of our faith perspective, we need to make ourselves accountable to each other.

In the latter half of my sabbatical year in 2016/17 , I met with a group of like-minded executives who were also considering their next steps and we supported each other every week and held each other accountable to be actively looking for our next opportunity. I always looked forward to those times together and we spurred each other on. Until recently, I met with two other friends every week for breakfast for more than a decade, to talk, pray and hold each other accountable. I realised during the lockdown restrictions how much I valued and missed those times and how important they were for my own personal growth – so I am resolved to recreate that after lockdown (and you can all hold me accountable to that)!

3) Purpose is more important than profit

Friedman, the renowned University of Chicago economics professor, penned a famous 1970 New York Times essay in which he stated,

“The social responsibility of Business is to increase its profits, so long as it stays within the rules of the game.”

This helped launch a half century of “shareholder capitalism.” In this worldview, the role of business is only business, and the sole focus of the CEO is to maximize the profits of that business. I have come to recognise that this statement is significantly flawed as it fails to take account of the many other forces of good that businesses can bring about where a worthy purpose transcends profit. Also, it fails to comprehend the devastating human and environmental impact of businesses which pursue improved profitability regardless of the means or social impact.

I noted in the recent Q3 2020 statistics from the Just Capital JUCLD index (which tracks performance of firms which value ‘Just behaviour’) that, not only were they significantly ahead of Russell 1000 companies in diversity, fair pay, environmental impact & proactive risk management, they were also marginally more profitable. This confirmed what I had observed in my own parents wholesaling business where the purpose was to give great service and to provide a good living for them and their employees as well as supporting local causes with time & resources. Over the years, not only did they survive crippling competition from cash & carries by continuing to prioritise great customer service, but they were able to generous and be profitable as well. My life lesson is to always seek purpose over profit.

4) Everything we have is an illusion – what we freely invest in others is eternal!

Regardless of our faith perspective on life, it remains a solemn reality that we can’t take anything with us when we die and so I have been reflecting on legacy, the eternal view of what we leave behind. My father’s view on this matter, which he repeats often, is that

“Everything we have belongs to God but everything we give away is ours to keep forever!”

I suppose the same thing could be said from a non-faith perspective that everything we know and work for is useless to us when we die, so, for it to last beyond our death, we need to be investing in our legacy now. This becomes important when we think of long-term investment, a body of knowledge, a piece of art, succession planning, organisational sustainability or even the environmental, social or personal impact of how we live our lives. Financial prosperity comes and goes but one thing we can never get back is time.

Following my near-death experience in the Pyrenees last June, shortly followed by the untimely death of my older brother from cancer in November, I have been challenged about where I have been spending my time. We all have a finite amount of time and some of us have more than others – none of us really know. How proactive are we in investing time in things that are of real lasting consequence – in people and in service, the wellbeing, building up and mentoring or discipling of others? How much of our time has been robbed by distractions and pastimes which don’t really matter when it has all been said and done. Again, I am reminded of the words of Jesus,

“What good is it for someone to gain the whole world and yet lose or forfeit their very self?”

My life lesson is to continue to invest my time and resources in that which lasts – the eternal.

5) Culture outperforms process

I have already mentioned “The Five Fundamental Rules” at The Carphone Warehouse but I mention them again as they were so critical to the culture which shaped that business and enabled it to rapidly scale across Europe in the noughties. Most employees could recite them (I still can) and they covered expectations with regard to customer service, competition, employee attitude, trust & reliability and reputation. I remember the founder, Charles Dunstone, saying to me once that whatever store he went into in any part of Europe if he spotted something that was not quite right he could apply it to one of the ‘rules’ and the most junior colleagues would know exactly what he meant. The Carphone Warehouse could have documented every single process and rigorously trained every employee (and they did train well, which is commendable) but when you embed customer centricity into the culture and fabric of the organisation some things just don’t need to be said.

One important point on this; the cultural values need to be lived out by the leaders! In my experience, where there is a disconnect between the cultural values taught and those lived out in leadership behaviours, it creates cynicism and mistrust and reduces buy-in to the values and outcomes. Good leaders serve the organisation and good leadership creates a healthy culture. Poor leadership, however, creates a toxic culture and an unpredictable culture will form itself in the presence of a leadership vacuum. My life lesson is always to prioritise a healthy organisational culture, where leaders see it as their role to serve the organisation and its stakeholders, because if that comes first, everything else follows including great processes and customer experience.

6) Love is risky – suffering is the cost of free will!

One of the most famous things Bob Marley never actually said is,

“Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you, you have got to find the ones worth suffering for”.

We are all led to believe that if we fill our lives with the pursuit of love, we will be fulfilled. Few people set out to pursue suffering as a life goal, however it is often in the dark valleys of our lives, times of extreme grief, pain, hurt or failure when we learn most about ourselves. It is almost as if, like the pruning of a vine to make it more fruitful, suffering is a refining process for us. My reflection is that, in order to create a world in which there is no suffering or hurt, we would logically need to remove the choice to hurt, or inflict suffering on each other – that is to remove free will. If we are not free to choose whether or not to love someone – it wouldn’t be love. To act in love requires free will and the logical consequence of this is suffering – which usually occurs when someone loses the capacity to act in love towards us or chooses not to.

One of my favourite songs from the band Delirious? is ‘Find me in the river’ which contains the lyrics

“We didn’t count on suffering, we didn’t count on pain but if there are blessings in the valley, in the river I will wait.”

We live in a world which is increasingly trying to mitigate against suffering. This is a worthy cause, but while we wrap up the world in cotton wool, we need to be careful that we don’t miss out on gaining important experience and the resilience, and sometimes the blessing, which grappling with suffering yields. More importantly, we need to ensure that we don’t compromise our ‘God given’ rights and freedoms as individuals to choose. The world’s response to the Coronavirus pandemic is a good example of this – it is frightening to observe how quickly (and I count myself in this) we have forfeited fundamental rights and freedoms in order to protect ourselves, and other vulnerable groups, from the virus. While always respecting the law, my life lesson is to exercise my freedom to take more risk, to make myself vulnerable, to love extravagantly and to look for the blessing and growth in the inevitable suffering rather than trying to protect myself from it.

7) Gratefulness is a tonic

The past few years have thrown some significant challenges our way! As a consultant, surviving the triple headwinds of Brexit, enforcement of IR35 tax rules and Covid 19 has been challenging. As I mentioned earlier, I survived a near death experience after collapsing on a sponsored walk in the Pyrenees during the heatwave last June and, later that year, my older brother, Charlie, died of brain cancer. In difficult circumstances, is so easy to focus on things that are not going right in life – this seems to be a very human trait. I must confess, I have not found it easy and some days it has been a massive struggle to get up and get myself motivated. In those times, however, there have always been glimpses of gold, a hug, a kind and encouraging word, a message from a colleague, a delicious meal, an invitation to stay, a good time with friends, an amazing sunset, an intimate moment or a great book, piece of music or artwork, or time away with family. There is always something to be grateful for if you look for it.

During my brother’s illness, when we knew he was unlikely to recover, I wrote the following poem which sums up my final life lesson; it is a tonic to always be grateful:

Today I have chosen to be grateful!
My choice – not a feeling!
Today I am loved by the sun’s embrace
Later, in the darkness, millions of glimmers of light
Will caress me from the far reaches of eternity

Infinite mind & Word, spoken
Unthinkable power gave birth to our existence
Yet I am my own galaxy, my own universe
Billions of tiny particles held together by invisible rules

‘Wisdom’ whispers that I am nothing
A speck in an eternal and infinite universe
Yet I give thanks for each new day
I don’t want to hold onto my hurt like cherished war medals
Nor seek significance in my work
Nor find approval in my accomplishments
I don’t want to be defined by my failure
These are dust – they are an illusion

Here and now, I matter
I am loved by the Word who spoke me into existence
With unconditional, sacrificial, eternal, forgiving love
Therefore, I love!
I follow love’s call, I accept love’s pain
I endure love’s suffering
If today I don’t shout out
Then the mountains, the rocks, the trees,
The oceans, the stars will cry out
So today I have chosen to be grateful!

© Damon Harding